


Let Me Live a Lie (As Long As It Makes Me Happy)

by komaegi



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Cheating, F/M, M/M, Multi, Past Relationship(s), so like don't expect much, there's naezono but its not too romantic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-25 16:11:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12039513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/komaegi/pseuds/komaegi
Summary: Every relationship has to end at some point.Another relationship can replace it.





	Let Me Live a Lie (As Long As It Makes Me Happy)

**Author's Note:**

> "but where's the update for the mastermind au" this has been on my mind for too long so just take it. i probably will start with the new mastermind au fic later
> 
> also naegi is probably too ooc in this because hes kinda an asshole but it was for the fic im sorry naegi for this injustice

Relationships don't always work.

He knows that, he's aware of the idea— or rather the harsh fact everyone knows.

He remembers every relationship he's been in.

He remembers every break-up that happened.

He knows that every relationship has to end at some point.

He knows that another relationship could replace it.

"I can't do that anymore."

"I'm not really interested anymore."

"I like someone else now."

"I don't think we can be together."

He heard these words.

He said these words.

It should be easy for him to know how it's like.

But he wonders why isn't it easy now.

  
He remembers their relationship clearly.

More clearly than any other relationship he's been in.

He remembers the times they sneaked out alone in the middle of night.

He remembers when he won him the plushie he wanted in a claw crane— he still has it now.

He remembers the soft smile he received.

He remembers their first kiss.

He remembers their last words to each other.

He remembers them more clearly than anything.

"Thank you for everything, Makoto."

"I'll always love you."

They were unsure last words.

He wasn't even sure they were true.

Komaeda took it as words caused by heartbreak.

But ever since that day, Naegi felt empty.

  
He doesn't fall in love with anyone.

He wishes he could, but he couldn't love anyone else.

He tried getting with people who confessed to him.

But after a while, with a broken smile, they'd say that he sounds uninterested.

"You're not in love with me, are you?"

"No."

It wasn't like he didn't want to fall in love.

He desperately wants to fall in love.

His hands continue to clutch the keychain.

The same one he and Komaeda got.

"Maybe if we got matching keychains, more people would be convinced that we're dating."

"Let's give it a shot, then. They look cute too, so it won't be regrettable."

He wonders what happened to the other keychain.

It probably ended up thrown away.

  
His old crush confesses to him.

The younger, middle-school aged Naegi Makoto would honestly be happier than he is right now.

"Do you want to be in a relationship?"

"Well—"

"It's a yes, isn't it?"

"Yes. I'd be glad to have you as my girlfriend, Maizono-san."

He wonders if he really is.

She's not his loved one.

There are no other people called Komaeda Nagito.

There's only one Komaeda Nagito.

And he only wants one person—

Komaeda Nagito.

But he has no idea where he is.

He has no idea how fate can connect them.

  
Their eyes meet again one day.

It was a coincidence, but a nice one.

It was desperate, the way he almost sobbed.

It was desperate, the way he didn't want to let go.

"I still love you."

"I do too."

"Then, can we get back—"

"Never."

"Why not?"

"I want you to start building a future without me from now on."

Despite that, he kisses Komaeda.

"Was what I said comprehensible, Makoto?"

It made sense, but he wanted to deny it.

"Yes."

  
Their relationship at the moment seemed to be selfish.

It wasn't love, but it was love at the same time.

They kissed each other, but Komaeda refused to get back together.

They made love, but Komaeda dismissed it as just sex, nothing more.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

The feelings were mutual.

But why couldn't they get together again?

"Why can't I have a future with you?"

"Because I don't have a future."

"Despite that, I still want to be with you until it ends."

"You're just going to ruin your life, Makoto."

Komaeda left the hotel room.

His eyes seemed to refuse to look at the messy bedsheets.

  
"Were you busy last night?"

"Yeah… sorry for cancelling our date."

It wasn't like going to see your old lover, and having sex with him was something important.

It's a cruel thing to do.

"Do you want to move in together?"

"We just started dating, Maizono-san."

She laughed awkwardly.

It was a bit adorable.

But either way, they shouldn't move together.

Or she'd wonder why he disappears too much at night.

He knows it's wrong.

He knows that it's basically cheating.

He can't break either of them.

After all, they're both important to him— even if one was more important than the other.

  
"The future is more important than the past."

"You're not less important than anyone else."

It wasn't a case of Komaeda hating himself, he knew that.

He knew that, but he pretended he didn't.

"You really hate yourself."

It made him confused.

"Huh?"

"You never let go of things that you had before. It hurts you to do so, but you're too selfish to let go."

Komaeda was right.

He was just being too selfish.

"I just love you."

"I told you. You can't love someone with no future."

Their lips met again.

Living a fantasy was easier than living reality.

  
"Did you think about it, Makoto?"

"What do you mean?"

"Getting married."

He choked on his dinner.

"Come on! It has only been a year!"

A year of deceiving her, lovelessly kissing her, pretending to love her when he really didn't.

"It's okay! It's just that we consider Sayaka-chan a member of our family already! And you're both old enough to get married—"

"I don't want to do anything Sayaka-chan wouldn't want!"

Sbe wouldn't want him to cheat on her, would she?

But it's not like he stopped.

"I'm sure she'd be happy if you did."

"True! She really loves you, Makoto."

But he didn't love her.

He never loved her, even when he had her.

  
But he thinks it's a good idea.

Maybe if he got married, he would be able to let go.

"If you weren't dying, would you want me to stay by your side forever?"

"Why are you asking?"

"Just thinking."

"I would love that."

"You're the only person I ever loved that much."

"I don't get why you do."

"Because you're Nagito."

"That makes no sense."

Nothing is supposed to make sense.

Love doesn't make sense.

"Maybe so."

Nothing made sense.

  
The atmosphere makes him nervous.

How can he propose to someone without attracting the attention of the other customers?

"I've been meaning to ask this but—"

"Yes?"

"Are you serious about our relationship?" He hates that he's not serious.

"Of course I am, Makoto-kun! Why would I still be dating you if I wasn't serious?"

"Would you go as far as to marry me?" He hates that he wouldn't want to.

"I would!"

He takes a deep breath.

He puts the box in the middle of the table.

"Will you marry me?"

She seemed too choked to answer him.

She only nods.

He wishes he could accept a decision like that just as she did.

  
"I'm getting married."

It was stupid to say it in that situation.

He dropped his pants.

"You're getting married?!"

He was cute.

"I had a girlfriend and my family were pressuring me to propose—"

"Since when?"

"It's been two years—"

"You've been sleeping with me, while you've had a girlfriend all that time?"

The words seemed more sad than shocked.

"I'm sorry."

"You're the worst."

For some reason, the words hurt more than anything else.

"I know."

  
He's not sure why he's hurt.

The words were true.

They couldn't talk to each other because of that.

They couldn't see each other because of that.

He knows that Komaeda wouldn't want to see him.

And he knows that he deserves that.

"I miss you."

He said the words as if Komaeda would hear them.

But he couldn't.

It hurt it hurt it hurt it hurt it hurt it hurt it hurt.

"I love you, Nagito."

hurts hurts hurts hurts hurts hurts hurts hurts.

He's not sure why he's crying over it.

His marriage is in a few weeks.

  
"Are you coming? Do you need an invite?"

The text was ignored.

"I'm sorry. I know you wouldn't forgive me."

Ignored.

"You have the right to. I lied to you."

Ignored.

"I know you hate me for it."

Ignored.

"But I really love you. I can't seem to get over it."

Ignored.

"I sent an invitation just in case you want to come."

Ignored.

"I hope you show up. I really want to see you."

They're all ignored.

  
"Don't you look a bit too gloomy?"

"It's nothing…"

"I can tell something is wrong, Makoto."

"I told you it's nothing."

"Come on… is it something you can never tell mom and dad?"

"You could say that."

"Then you can tell me!"

He can never tell her.

"Do you think love is easier when you grow up, Komaru?"

"I'm not sure."

"Things are hard."

He stares at the ground.

He doesn't get why it's more difficult growing up.

Maybe because that's how it is.

  
"You beg a lot."

"I never thought you'd come, not after that."

"Oh. I'm not staying."

"Huh?"

"I mean you're marrying Maizono-san, aren't you? How would she feel about her future husband inviting his ex-boyfriend?"

"That makes sense."

There was silence for a moment.

He wanted to kiss him.

He submitted to his desires.

But he didn't expect the slap to his face.

"Just wake up! You're getting married today, Makoto! You can't keep living a fantasy! You can't keep kissing me forever!"

It almost looked like Komaeda stormed out of the room in tears.

Naegi doesn't blame him.

Because it hurts too.

  
It was the last time they saw each other.

He lived his life normally, or at least tried.

How long has it been ever since that day?

Five years?

"Sayaka… I think we should have a divorce."

"Maybe… you don't seem the same, Makoto."

"I don't really love you. I never did. I'm sorry."

"I know. I'm an esper, remember?"

"I'm sorry. Aya is just four, so she will certainly forget about me when she grows up."

"It makes you seem like a bad person, to abandon your daughter."

He's never been a good person, he's horrible. He's the worst.

"Well it's better than living a lie."

He knows that it's for the best.

"Goodbye, Makoto."

  
He heard from a few people.

Komaeda went back to his hometown after that.

He doesn't know where it is.

But he tries to find it.

He tells his parents about all of it.

About being so deeply in love with someone, about wanting to find that someone. About letting go of his fake marriage, and finding the one he likes.

They're a bit disappointed in him.

He understands. But he doesn't want to ruin more lives.

"Are you sure? Is that what you really want?"

"Yes."

"How long have you known?"

"Just now."

He lied to them.

He didn't want more people to talk about how terrible he is.

  
He's months late.

"So you're Naegi Makoto-san, huh? Didn't expect you to look like that."

"Was it painful?"

"From what the doctors said, Nagito-sama died a peaceful death."

"I wish I could've seen him one last time."

"I'm sure he wanted that too."

It was bitter.

"I've known him for a long time. Been by his side since he was born. He seemed to love you so much. I'm sure you were the only person he loved."

"How so?"

"Nagito-sama never got attached to anyone. The closest relationship he had was a series of one-night stands. But for some reason, he was willing to leave this mansion to be with you. So I knew, he was in love."

"Nagito hates me."

"I don't think so."

"How do you know?"

"If a person hated you, they wouldn't shed so many tears for your sake, would they?"

  
It was excruciating.

He didn't know how Komaeda felt.

It honestly felt like he was toying with him.

Even though Komaeda went along with it, tolerated it, possibly even loved it.

It was stupid of him to not realize that Komaeda loved him.

Going as far as getting physical with him, when had someone else.

Maybe Komaeda only wanted him to be happy.

Maybe Komaeda asked him to build a future, because he didn't want him to be sad when he died.

But then why does it hurt so much?

Why is he still suffering?

He's not sure.

But he deserves it.

After all, what kind of person fakes love for someone, while still hurting the other?

A monster.

  
"How did it go? Did you find that person?"

"Not sure."

"What do you mean?"

"I found them, but they died months ago."

"That's disappointing… was that worth ruining your marriage?"

"Not really. I think Sayaka and Aya are happier now."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know."

"Find someone else?"

"Maybe sometime else."

"You're going to die alone at some point, Makoto."

"Maybe that's for the best."

He clutched the his keys, two matching keychains, both of them are almost worn-out.

It's a suitable punishment for him, he thinks.


End file.
